I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out as Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me.
I Was Trying To Be Loving And Supportive But I Probably Overstepped My Boundaries And Came Off as Creepy: a feature-length film with two sequels and a TV series adaption.
I Was Trying To Tell You I Relate To Your Difficult Situation But It Probably Sounded Like I Was Making It All About Me: a novel saga with several side book adaptions and a movie.
"ur a giant fuckin dork" I say, trying to convey my great esteem and admiration for you as best I know how.
- soothe your boobs
- de-stress your breasts
- undo the calamity that is your mammaries
- adjust your bust before it combusts
I also like:
- give that chest a rest
- hakuna your tatas
don’t have a rack attack
are you ever in the middle of saying something or showing someone something and you realize that literally no one cares
I’ve literally stopped talking mid-word in a story and no one has noticed.
when i was 12 i made a deal with my dad that if i didn’t date until i was 16 he’d owe me $100 AND I FUCKING REMEMBERED THE OTHER DAY AND MY DAD SAID IT WAS "RIDICULOUS ENOUGH TO BE TRUE" HE’S ACTUALLY GONNA GIVE ME $100
so my dad come home today and was like “katie i did it i got your money”
he gave me 100 one dollar bills
my dad gave me 100 one dollar bills
i can pretend to be a super star
i am a queen
i made it rain on my mom